Wow, I haven't been back here in a while!  I love the new look!  I'm definitely inspired to get back on here and become more active.  Facebook has gotten too commercial and busy for my taste.

I'll be back soon for major site upgrades!

My cat, Fuzz.  I had her for 18 years, and we were inseparable.  She would wrap her paws around my neck, and I'd carry her around on my chest.  I really miss her.

Something has definitely happened to me.  I still HAVE an ego, but now it's "over there."  I haven't completely dissociated from it, but now I see that besides an ego, I also HAVE a Soul (or subconscious mind).  I always thought I was a "me," but I'm something else, apparently.

This particular "new" me uses the subconscious and the conscious, the right and the left brain, the Soul and Spirit.  If I use both, I AM neither....

Now what?  Is this enlightenment?  It can't be, or I wouldn't be questioning. 

But still, it's the beginning of something big.

The new realization is that I have to integrate these two halves of myself because, up until now, I had thought they didn't belong to me.  Or at least that my emotions had one job and "I" had another.  I was (and still am, but to a MUCH lesser extent) identifying with my function of reason.  How could I if I can examine it?

What/Who am I?  What's the next step? 

I need get organized.

I have a blog over at TypePad, but I'm tired of paying the monthly fee for something I rarely update. I love the features and the customization, but it's not doing a lot for me. Here, I feel like I can be more myself. :-)

Yesterday, I updated a lot of information on my website at United Communities of Spirit, and it seems like a great place to link to from here. Their layout and question format helps to induce interesting (I think) content that makes for a great spiritual bio when finished. To see my page at UCS, click here.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

I heard a story from a fellow seminarian a few years ago about an old woman he knew, named Viola, who probably had the most grateful heart he'd ever known. 

Every time Viola sat down to eat, she would bow her head and say, "Thank you, Spirit."  My friend asked asked her once why she did that since the food would be there even if she didn't thank Spirit.  (My friend understands gratefulness, but wanted to hear the woman's story.)

"Oh, sure, I have food, but it makes everything taste better to be grateful. Looking for good things is a kind of game an old preacher taught me to play.  Take this morning.   I woke up and thought, What's there to praise Spirit for today?  You know what?  I couldn't think of a thing!  Then from the kitchen came the most delicious odor that ever tickled my nose.  Coffee!  'Much obliged, Spirit, fo the coffee,' I said, "and thank you, too, for the smell of it!'"

Many years later, my friend saw this woman on her deathbed (he was now her minister).  He could see a lot of pain on her face, and he admitted the question popped into his mind of whether she could find anything to be grateful about at this time. 

Just then she opened her eyes.  As she saw him and the others gathered around, she folded her hands and said with a smile, "Thank you, Spirit, for such fine friends."


Blessings,
Asterysk

Ordination?  Apostolic Succession?  Ecclesiastical Sanction?

Phooey.  I think.

If one is called to help others develop their spiritual life, and if one can do absolutely nothing else, why on Earth (or anywhere else) would that person need to join a line of Apostolic Succession?  I wonder if any these lines can be proven.  Does this "lying on of hands" make any difference in the life of a priest?

I waffle back and forth between considering going back to seminary and getting a "real" ordination to being true to my Self and continuing on as I have.  More than anything, I want to share with others the Spirit that I've found, and come together in acknowledgement of the Divine in a way that fulfills all our hearts.

All of us know what to do in any given situation.  Somewhere, deep down in our souls, we know exactly what our next move should be.  Much of the time, though, we don't like to listen because doing what we "ought" sometimes leads in a less-than-exciting, or less-than-pleasant, direction.  Yet this time, I am truly stumped.  There is a part of my spiritual life that is not being fulfilled, and I don't know why I feel this way.

I need to be true to myself; otherwise, I'm no priest.  I know, deep down, that only God can ordain.  It's a conversation between the Holy One and the heart of Her priest.  Ultimately, no matter which direction I choose to go in, it's up to me to make sure that I'm being true to my own Gnosis.

I read a current article in the magazine What Is Enlightenment? about Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now.  I could hear his voice in my head as I read, just as it sounded on the DVD of one of his teachings (I forget which one).  Eckhart always affects me the same way when I hear him or read something by him -- I am suddenly able to focus on the moment, whereas a few moments before I was mentally running in circles.

I'm not the only one amazed by this German mystic.  In an recent article by Tom Huston entitled, "Getting Clear on Enlightenment," Huston raves about Tolle's book:

Published a few years ago, but just recently released in paperback, German mystic Eckhart Tolle's lucid and accessible exegesis on the highest of spiritual attainments has sold over two million copies (sales that were due, in no small part, to Oprah Winfrey's 2002 televised endorsement of the book as one she has read eight times and keeps on her bedside table). The endless popularity of New Age and self-help books notwithstanding, these figures are surprising because Tolle's mystical manifesto is popularizing and conveying a level of spiritual depth that has typically remained inaccessible to all but a chosen few. In fact, with its constant emphasis on transcending the “egoic mind” and powerful transmission of the awakened state of timeless presence, The Power of Now is like pop spirituality on steroids. Yet it is also merely the most visible book in a genre that over the past decade, has been working harder than ever to bring enlightenment down from the mountaintop of esoteric traditions like Zen and Sufism and cast it free into the secular mainstream.

Of all the "enlightened masters" I've read about, or read articles by, or saw on TV or on DVD, Eckhart Tolle leaves no doubt in my mind that he is exactly what he says he is.  Just looking at him speak, you can see that he lives truly in This Moment.  His presence, or should I say Presence, transmit his teachings just as well, if not better, than his words do.  I'll have to cause myself to meet him someday.

I found a very nice website today called Global Mindshift.  Check it out!

Their mission is "to help bring about a new era of cooperation and creativity on the planet."  How?  Well, like Zaadz, it's a place for people to share new ideas of a spiritual nature, but it also includes a MEMEbase, which is a depository of "cultural information that can be transferred from one individual to another," usually in the form of videos.

I have yet to explore all the site has to offer, but if you're a fan of Zaadz, you'll probably be a fan of Global Mindshift, too!

Despite my desire to "go with the flow" and detatch from the various thoughts and emotions I experience, I still haven't figured out how to "flow" with clinical depression.  I say "clinical" because there's a difference between feeling sad because you have a good reason and feeling emotionally flat yet despondent because your neurochemicals are messed up.

Basically, I need to get a full-spectrum light.  I get this when the sky turns grey.  I love night time, I love looking at the stars, I even love rain, but grey days make me want to sit on my porch in a rocking chair and yell, "Get out of my yard!  Damn kids!"  I think I turn into those two old guys on the Muppets Show.

I've been drawing up my vows.  Discipline is the heart of the Holy Life, and I want to put some restrictions on myself.  Nothing austere and certainly nothing prudish, but paths are much easier to travel when they have a fence or two along the sides.

I'm starting with wearing only priestly garb (a women's clergy blouse) on weekends for the purpose of getting out and walking the walk.  I did this when I was in seminary, and if nothing else, it's a wonderful experience when people decide to automatically trust you.  It's also a very big responsibility. 

I am sincerely going along for the ride right now.  I'm watching this all happen from hyperspace or something.  I seem to be going in the direction that is being dictated by a higher aspect of myself.  It's beyond "following my bliss," this is "being driven by your guardian angel."  Or in my case, Merlin.

I seem to be founding a religious order of some type.  I know there are other "wandering priests, "but I think we need a different name.  I want to bring others along with me on the ride that is spiritual awakening, and bring home those who know where Home is.

Now, I'm not talking about drinking KoolAid and catching a ride on the tail of a comet.  I'm not saying that the Pleadians are coming to take me away (although they very well could be).  But I am saying that I'm riding on a stream, and I'm excited about where it empties....