A Journey Begins

Despite my desire to "go with the flow" and detatch from the various thoughts and emotions I experience, I still haven't figured out how to "flow" with clinical depression.  I say "clinical" because there's a difference between feeling sad because you have a good reason and feeling emotionally flat yet despondent because your neurochemicals are messed up.

Basically, I need to get a full-spectrum light.  I get this when the sky turns grey.  I love night time, I love looking at the stars, I even love rain, but grey days make me want to sit on my porch in a rocking chair and yell, "Get out of my yard!  Damn kids!"  I think I turn into those two old guys on the Muppets Show.

I've been drawing up my vows.  Discipline is the heart of the Holy Life, and I want to put some restrictions on myself.  Nothing austere and certainly nothing prudish, but paths are much easier to travel when they have a fence or two along the sides.

I'm starting with wearing only priestly garb (a women's clergy blouse) on weekends for the purpose of getting out and walking the walk.  I did this when I was in seminary, and if nothing else, it's a wonderful experience when people decide to automatically trust you.  It's also a very big responsibility.